Thursday, October 30, 2008

Darling Boy


Dearest Charlie,

My love for you knows no bounds. Every triumph of yours is like my own. Every sadness you have cuts me to the bone. If I could wrap you in cotton and stick you in the closet to know you are safe I would. That doesn’t seem to be an option though so we must carry on as normal. All that being said, let’s just put that aside for the moment.

You have started to play basketball with the EBA (Etobicoke basketball association) and they gave you your own jersey and kid sized basketball. You love your new ball. You love to bounce it in the house which I perhaps don’t love as much as you do. Guess what happened to me the other morning? I woke at 5:30 and couldn’t fall back asleep so I decided to go downstairs and read in the family room. As I was walking down the stairs in the dark, and this is the important part so please pay close attention, I stepped on your ball that was at the bottom of the stairs. The ball went shooting forward and I landed on my scrawny butt on the bottom stairs. Keep paying attention because my little story isn’t over yet. As I lay sprawled on the bottom step I sort of flopped in a fish-like fashion onto my side, still in the dark, and rolled onto some large Lego pieces. These Legos’ bit into my side and added to the pain I was feeling from my fall. I rolled over one more time, happily not hitting any toys this time and started swearing under my breath like a fishwife. I contemplated getting up but was afraid of what might happen next. So guess what I did? I just laid there in the dark. Really. I just decided to just be. To do nothing at all. It’s been a heck of a long time where I’ve done just nothing. I realize if I’m not working or parenting then I’m reading or checking the news. I think your Mommy needs to learn how to let go sometimes and just be. The funny thing is that I recall we did the “clean up” song and tidied the family room before I went to bathe Sophie. This small ensuing mess must have magically happened afterward.

So through your basketball placement I actually learned something. I need to be. I need to breathe. I have to be still. This is a lesson that I know will take me years but once again in a weird way you have given me food for thought.

Dear Charlie – you are my biggest challenge and my biggest reward. You have tested me in ways that I could not believe but I have learned so much from you. Your tenderness and capacity to love leaves me breathless.

Now – go pick up your toys.
Love Mommy


Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Princess Problems

Oh Hey!

Yes, it seems like I have disappeared, yet again. Here's the thing. Sometimes the more I have to say the less I blog. Funny isn't it? Well I've started numerous entries and deleted them because discretion got the better part of me. Damn that discretion voice in my head!

I've just gone through a long period of dealing with some people who are frankly nutbars. I would so LOVE to give you the details but Alan has cautioned me against it because as you know once something is on the net it is out there forever. Darn Alan and his appropriateness - blame him. This is the sort of thing I hate. Whenever someone says, ohhhh I have some juicy news BUT I can't tell you! It drives me crazy! Doesn't it want to make you throttle people? No fair and bad form I say. If you know me and want the deets then email me and I will spill the deets privately. But seriously - crazy folk. Enough said.

So let's talk about Princesses. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a girly girl. Yes occasionally I get girly but I'm not super girly. Since I've had Sophie I've put in a lot of thought about the Princess phenomenon. Frankly I'm not crazy about it. Yes, imagination and fairy tales are lovely but that's what they are, fairy tales. For the longest time I've been resisting the exposure to the princess stuff with my daughter because I choose not to feed into it. The fact is that I don't believe that "every girl is a princess" nonsense because guess what? We're not. I don't want Sophie to be spoon fed this nonsense. Yes, every person is special, but the fact is we all are not going to move into castles and be super rich and beautiful and the Prince isn't going to solve everything.

I get queasy when I go into little girls rooms where it looks like Walt Disney has thrown up in there with all the Princess stuff. The pink and purple and glitter just seems like too much. Here is the thing though. They seem to be totally drawn to it. One Saturday morning when Sophie saw a commercial for "My Little Pony" she almost lost her mind. There were ponies! With long beautiful hair! And shiny Jewels! It rocked her world. Despite my best intentions of having a non-girly girl it seems like I just might have one.

The saving grace is that when I asked her who her favourite Princess was she said, "oooh Sinner-ella!" Now I can totally get down with Sinnerella. My theory is that she has long, glossy black hair and shows more cleavage that the average princess. Whilst the other princesses are busy flitting about castles singing songs of love and happiness under her breath she is muttering, "this is total bullshit". Whenever the princesses are called together for yet another photo-shoot for a backpack or lunch box she asks about the next coffee break. You know she secretly just wants to sneak a smoke or text her boyfriend who is decidedly un-prince like. Sinnerella has all the other princesses numbers and isn't afraid to use them. "Oh yeah Cinderella? You just haven't found closure for losing your mother!" "Jasmine, admit you hate that Arabian sexist regime!" "Bella, please, a beast? Really?"

For all my hopes my dear daughter now sports a Princess backpack to preschool (sans Sinnerella) but I will remain optimistic that she can outgrow it.

With no segue at all I must mention that I am thinking about stopping this blog. Mostly because it seems to have a, "Look at me! Look at me!" aspect about it and I've never wanted to be that type of person. Let me mull it over.