Sheets

I heartily dislike changing sheets. My new sheets have a handy tab that indicates where the top portion is. Thank goodness for that because I have stripy sheets and I wouldn't want to put the sheets on horizontally because everyone knows that horizontal designs can make one look fatter. Heaven knows I wouldn't want a fat bed. I used to not care about my sheets until Oprah came along and effed everything up (as she is want to do.) She said one should never use a threadcount under 700. So I took her advice and bought her damn 700 threadcount sheets and those mothers are softer than soft. Now I am ruined towards anything less. My husband bought 500 threadcount sheets and my mollycoddled self feels like it is sleeping on sandpaper.

Oprah has really lost it when it comes to normal people. You may recall she once did a show where they took microscopic photos of bedsheets after they were slept on for a few days. The results were horrifying and I couldn't sleep without scratching for days. I once caught a blip of a show where she had a sleep expert on who said that one should change their sheets weekly. She then piped up about her buggy sleep show and pontificated that since then she changes her sheets daily. The expert then deadpanned, "well that isn't really feasible for the average person". I LOVED this guy for taking on the Op. She probably has a person whose sole job is to manage her sheets.

My advice, stick with what you've got. It's hard to stay down on the farm when you've been to the city.