Yes I'm back. It seems to take me eleventy billion years to update. Sorry - life happening. Apparently there is nothing better that I like to do than embarrass myself so I might as well tell you what happened on Saturday.
Alan and Charlie were out doing boyish things and I had to run errands and then was taking Sophie on a picnic. YES! A real honest to God Picnic with a blanket and sandwiches and drinks etc. We were all ramped up to sit in the shade under a tree and play at the park. I felt so together and motherly (this is rare).
Guess what happened? Oh don't even try because I'm such an idiot you couldn't believe it. So I picked up Sophie at my Mother in Laws who kindly offered to watch my little peep for a half hour while I ran my errands. We were leaving the apartment parking lot and as I was making a right turn Sophie started screaming for her stuffed puppy (he's infamous) that she had dropped. I was handing her said puppy when BUMP. I had cut the corner short and ran over a boulder. Let's revisit. A damn BOULDER. So there I was in the Un-grand Caravan (aka loser cruiser) hung up on an effing boulder!! Couldn't go forward and couldn't go backward because my right front wheel was four inches in the air.
Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Okay planning time. I immediately called CAA and was just about to call my Mother in law to come down and get Sophie when who do I see walking up Widdicombe hill to go and get a haircut? My darling husband and son. DAMMIT. They saw the Un-Grand Caravan and my husband is walking towards my car with a smile and shaking his head. Once again, Oh God. Oh God! Alan told me the second he saw a burgundy van HANGING from a boulder he immediately knew it must be me. Kill me now! Wait. It gets better. He asked if I was okay and said he would take Sophie (and our lovely picnic!) and I would wait for CAA. Later he told me he thought of giving me the kids and waiting for CAA but said then he would feel like an idiot because people would think that he had done it. URRRGH!
Oh keep waiting it gets even better. So a crowd gathers. Oh yes - a crowd of about six men who are rubbing their chins about how to get me out of this pickle. Well first they all laughed of course. Once again, please God open the ground and swallow me up.
So now as traffic comes by everyone slows down to look. Some of the better comments were, "hey who put that damn boulder there?" and "how blonde do you feel now?". Super. Just super. Ha Ha EFFING HA!
So my team of supermen have come up with a plan. One runs across the street and puts boards under my suspended wheel. Another guy (incidentally was totally tattoo covered in PLAYBOY bunnies and naked women but was very sweet for a porn addict - wait maybe that was why he was being sweet) wanted to use his van to push my van off the rock. My gang of fellows concurred. I really just want to wait for CAA but my gang had a PLAN. A MAN PLAN that must be tried.
So the man plan failed totally. The men were not happy. Men are fixers and their plan didn't work. Feeling emasculated they started to drift off. My porn friend hung around for a wee bit but he eventually he got bored and left too. I felt like I should give him a tip and tell him he could get more action if he got rid of those tattoos but seriously some people are beyond help. Very nice of them to try though.
So now my angel arrives. His name was Tim and he didn't laugh like the world had been for the last 45 minutes that felt like three years. I told him I felt like an idiot (which in retrospect I should because I really am) and he patted my shoulder and told me not to be embarrassed at he had already towed three cars out of swimming pool this summer. AAAHH I told him I had pool. He instructed me to ALWAYS use the emergency break. Heh.
In five minutes he lifted the loser cruiser of the rock and all was well. I was so relieved that I shook Tim's hand and said "Tim your wife is a lucky woman". He said he wasn't married so I told him he should be. He gave me a huge bear hug. I'm going to write CAA and say something nice to his supervisor.
I then drove home where I found Alan on the porch messing with his new bike. As soon as I went up to him I burst into tears. I don't know why. Frustration, embarrassment, women can't explain these things we just do them. Alan said, " come here you twit" and hugged me while I let it all out. Then he said the usual. "Troubles" "You and your troubles". No kidding.
Besides that I had an excellent weekend!!
So whenever you think life gets messy just think of me kindly and know it could never be as messy as mine. Oh yes, I live to make others feel better.
