From The Deep.

I could tell you about everything that is going on but I really don't want to relive it right now. I've whinged and whined enough so I want to talk about something I like! Not something negative.

So let's talk about something that I love. Something that thrills me as well as all eight year old boys everywhere - Sharks! Oh yes. In the heart of this suburban mom (when the hell did that happen?) lives a shark lover. I mean I could lose my mind when "Shark Week" is on the Discovery channel. I think there are very specific reasons for this. Much like preteen girls and their penchant for horses. And no, I never was into horses and all that pretty pony nonsense.

I specifically remember the night my romance with sharks began. I was youngish, maybe nine or ten. I had a wicked case of bronchitis that I used to get every winter. I was consistent in my ways even back then. My parents let me stay up late one wintry, snowy night on a Saturday to drink my Neo-Citran. I guess with the coughing and nonsense they thought it was better for me to be upright for a while. My older brother and sister were in the basement about to watch a movie and I still remember that the only lights were that of the fireplace and the T.V. It was perfect.

The movie was the forbidden blockbuster - JAWS! Cool. I had seen the posters of the bikini clad girl swimming away from this evil behemoth of a shark everywhere. It was an impossibly grownup experience for me and I was ready for the thrill.

It started out with a long haired couple (remember this was the late 70's) going swimming in the ocean. I think there was some unseen skinny dipping involved that added to the whole daring excitement of it all. Then the couple got attacked by the unseen predator and I think the girl's hand ended up on the beach or something. I was terrified. It was awesome. It was scary but not scary because I knew no shark would find me in my panelled basement with shag carpet and pine furniture.

I remember Roy Schneider as the Sheriff with his angry intensity at being misunderstood regarding the danger. I remember the silver haired Mayor who was ticked that anti-shark sentiment would ruin tourism for the town. Mostly I remember the fear of little kids on blow-up rafts with Jaws frolicking in between them. I don't remember all of the details of course but I do remember the old hoary fisherman with his tails of the worst shark ever. He would tell his story by lantern light on the fishing boat with a freaked out looking Richard Dreyfus as freaked out and neurotic as ever. It was great! It was a as exciting as the poem "The Cremation of Sam Maggee" by Robert Service. Go look it up on google - prepare to be creeped out. My Dad used to read it to us in the winter by flashlight. It was awesome. I'm digressing. I do that, bear with me.

So I think the combination of the summer sun, the island, sand, illicit hinted upon sex, and scary sharks from the deep were wrapped up in a parcel that was utterly thrilling and terrifying at the same time. Don't even start with the scene where Jaws bites away at the boat and the fisherman guy slides down into his mouth. I was hidden behind a huge pillow and peaking out and screaming and loving every second.

Whenever I am near a body of water I think about Jaws. I've been in a cool Muskoka Lake having fallen on my water ski's and waiting for the boat to come around and think about Jaws. I start freaking myself out even though I know it's only the Muskies that will get you. We had a pool when I was growing up and as I swam underwater I thought of Jaws coming up and getting me. In a pool for heaven's sake! Get this. I loved my snorkel and mask and actually used them in the bathtub with my mom supervising. I would float in the the warm water listening to the my slow breathing with the quietness of being underwater and wanted to stay there forever. Until I thought of Jaws. In my tub.

I don't know exactly what the allure is but Sharks remain my greatest fear and my greatest draw. I could actually see myself going in a cage someday to face my fear and let him go. Any takers?