Darling Boy

Dearest Charlie,

My love for you knows no bounds. Every triumph of yours is like my own. Every sadness you have cuts me to the bone. If I could wrap you in cotton and stick you in the closet to know you are safe I would. That doesn’t seem to be an option though so we must carry on as normal. All that being said, let’s just put that aside for the moment.

You have started to play basketball with the EBA (Etobicoke basketball association) and they gave you your own jersey and kid sized basketball. You love your new ball. You love to bounce it in the house which I perhaps don’t love as much as you do. Guess what happened to me the other morning? I woke at 5:30 and couldn’t fall back asleep so I decided to go downstairs and read in the family room. As I was walking down the stairs in the dark, and this is the important part so please pay close attention, I stepped on your ball that was at the bottom of the stairs. The ball went shooting forward and I landed on my scrawny butt on the bottom stairs. Keep paying attention because my little story isn’t over yet. As I lay sprawled on the bottom step I sort of flopped in a fish-like fashion onto my side, still in the dark, and rolled onto some large Lego pieces. These Legos’ bit into my side and added to the pain I was feeling from my fall. I rolled over one more time, happily not hitting any toys this time and started swearing under my breath like a fishwife. I contemplated getting up but was afraid of what might happen next. So guess what I did? I just laid there in the dark. Really. I just decided to just be. To do nothing at all. It’s been a heck of a long time where I’ve done just nothing. I realize if I’m not working or parenting then I’m reading or checking the news. I think your Mommy needs to learn how to let go sometimes and just be. The funny thing is that I recall we did the “clean up” song and tidied the family room before I went to bathe Sophie. This small ensuing mess must have magically happened afterward.

So through your basketball placement I actually learned something. I need to be. I need to breathe. I have to be still. This is a lesson that I know will take me years but once again in a weird way you have given me food for thought.

Dear Charlie – you are my biggest challenge and my biggest reward. You have tested me in ways that I could not believe but I have learned so much from you. Your tenderness and capacity to love leaves me breathless.

Now – go pick up your toys.
Love Mommy