I Lost a Friend Over the C-Word

Okay I don’t mean THAT C-word. Let’s face it, that C-word is really just very nasty. (I'm talking about the word that rhymes with hunt.) I never really understood it either. I mean it’s just a body part. Imagine if I got really really angry at someone and started calling them a ---- big fucking aorta! Take that you big aorta! You’re such a nasty aorta! Bah! It’s also demeaning to women so why the hell would I want to use it and sort of beat up myself at the same time? In order for me to freely use that word it would have to be for something really, really bad. Something like, ummmmm, ethnic cleansing! Damn those ethnic cleansers, not only are they big c’s but also huge aortas!!!

The word that cost me a friend was, cervix. You heard me. Cervix. I kind of like the word cervix. It sounds like a name from ancient Greece or Rome. “It would please the Senate if the great Cervix Maximus would cast his vote.”

Let me start at the beginning. I met Caroline (not her real name) at work many years ago. She was nice and very ladylike. We were both single back then and would often go to lunch together. We chatted about things that would interest twenty-somethings such as work, clothes, family, perspective boyfriends etc. Over the years, even though we no longer worked together we emailed and went to dinner three or four times a year to catch up. We both got married and bought houses etc. and we started to grow a little apart in that our interests were different. I then got pregnant with my first child. Caroline emailed me to ask how the first ultrasound went. I reported back that the baby was fine but they found something that would result in me having to have a c-section and I was pretty upset. She emailed me back and asked me exactly what the problem was. Well I emailed her and told her about my issue and it included the word cervix. This is where everything went terribly, terribly wrong.

She sent me an email whereby she said that my using such detailed anatomy made her feel uncomfortable. She went on to say that this is not the first time this has happened. I'm sorry but what the hell? Please know that I had NEVER discussed my sex life or any other bodily function with this woman. This was a one off where I said cervix and dammit she ASKED. I felt horrible. Here I was worried about this female plumbing situation and I couldn’t even tell my GIRLFRIEND. Not only did I feel like I was a bad person what with all that cervix talk but I felt she was rather harsh. I asked another friend about it and she was horrified. She told me to phone Caroline and scream, “Cervix! Cervix! Cervix!” and for good measure to yell vagina! Vagina! vagina! Seriously, what are girlfriends for if you can’t discuss this kind of stuff with them?

Now Caroline never used a swear word. Ever. This should have tipped me off. As I said before I don’t usually swear in public but with my best friends, in the privacy of an email or phone call one likes to get a bit peppery. After feeling so badly I then went to the inevitable anger phase. I was thinking that the pretty, pretty, princess couldn’t handle words about basic anatomy. After I cooled down I realized that she most likely did nothing really wrong, she just wasn’t one of MY people. Most of you will get what I mean. No, I don’t mean that my people are white, Irish, Catholic. They are just the type of women you meet that you know are like you. I like women who can laugh at themselves. Women who fight the daily fight like I do, with a husband, children, work, dinner etc. I think most of us innately know who our people are.

Well Caroline and I had some words, and made up and we went to dinner and so forth but things were never the same. We both, I think, sort of let things slide and just went our separate ways. It’s strange because I miss her, yet I know that I could never be my real self with her. I would always be minding by p’s and q’s (and c’s) with her and feel like I was lacking in some way. I’ve grown too old for that.

Conversely, I met my girlfriend Ollie just about nine years ago or so. I knew instantly that Ollie was one of my people. Not only did we share the same nickname as children but we both don’t eat eggs. Need I expound on that? Ollie is a veritable encyclopedia of medical knowledge and is one of the kindest people I have ever met. Almost weekly Ollie and I have medical summits on some issue or other. I could call and say something like “cankers – how do I get rid of them?” Then there will be discussions, internet searches and book references. It’s almost a sport. “Quick – conjunctivitis – can a toddler take polysporine drops?” I know that men probably don’t get this but women relate by shared experiences. There is nothing I couldn’t tell Ollie. Nothing. This is what makes a friendship I will have for life. I do miss Caroline and I wish her nothing but the best. I hope she finds her own people and feels safe and happy too.

I only have one more thing to say – brace yourself – cervix!