Just to be clear I must tell you that I hate shopping. Yes. I HATE SHOPPING. I know this is quite different from most women but I think I suffer from shopping dyslexia or something. Don’t get me wrong, I love new things. If I could have someone go to the stores and bring me the new things I would happily pay for them. I cannot stand malls, stores, salespeople and polyester. I am sure that I am a huge disappointment to my entire sex. Sorry Ladies. I am deficient.
My girlfriend Ollie is my go to girl for shopping. Just the other week I told her I needed a nice top for a Christmas party. She was very specific and detailed. “Go to Danier as they have really nice v-necked chenille mixed sweaters on sale for $45.00. They will look great on you and will wash up really nicely.” Guess what I did. I went to the mall and walked directly into Danier. I tried on the sweater and bought it and was back in my car in under 15 minutes.
Christmas exacerbates the whole shopping phobia thing. Thank GOD for the online shopping or I would lose a nut. Last night I HAD to go to a mall because my husband’s company Christmas party is this Friday and I had nothing to wear. I don’t mean this in a sort of “oh everything in my closet is tired and worn” sort of way but in a, “I’m a size 4 and all of my clothes are a 9 or 10 sort of way”. I was totally pissed. I tried on dress after dress hoping something, anything would fit so I wouldn’t have to go to the dreaded mall of death. Alas, no.
So I girded my loins (who really does this nowadays – sumo wrestlers?) and headed to Sherway Gardens. I was on a mission and there was to be no dilly dallying. I had to get a Christmas dress for my daughter and one for myself and I wanted to hit two stores and two stores only. No browsing (again I hate to browse) just in and out like a finely tuned rescue mission. I first hit the baby gap and instantly found Chloe a dress. Black velvet, empire waisted with a grosgrain bow at the front and a taffeta skirt. Please don’t start on me with the whole, little girls shouldn’t black shenanigans because my daughter has reddish hair so pink or red looks crappy on her. The black will be great. Found the right size, checked out and it took less then ten minutes. Rock on.
I next hit Laura Petite’s because I am not the tallest girl in the world. Okay I’m 5’4” in the morning and 5’3” by the evening. Sue me. The saleslady copped on to the fact that I was focused and determined to get “the” dress. I grabbed about 4 dresses in my size and went to the fitting room. Why why why do fitting room lights always make you look like shit? If I ever had a store I would get all Barbara Walters with the lighting to make everyone look fantastic. I put on the first dress and zipped it up and walked out to get the saleslady’s opinion because I am a fashion retard. She said it looked great and I sort of thought so too. Okay DONE! She was shocked – “don’t you want to try on the others?” Nope, like this, looks good, I can go home – done deal. In hindsight I also bought the first wedding dress I tried on. I’m highly decisive. Need a decision? Give me a call.
I checked my watch and was pleased. Both dresses bought in under 23 minutes. Woo. I know I should have stayed and done some Christmas shopping but I HAD to leave. This is an interesting phenomenon. I’ve heard of Agoraphobe’s who won’t leave their houses but I’ve increasingly become a Mallophobe who hates malls and stores. It’s funny because I go to tons of other places with lots of people and have no problems but ask me to shop and I freeze up. Most of my grocery shopping is now done through grocery gateway now as I hate going to the supermarket. As I mentioned earlier, 90% of my Christmas shopping will be done online. This is all rather alarming.
My girlfriend Ollie is my go to girl for shopping. Just the other week I told her I needed a nice top for a Christmas party. She was very specific and detailed. “Go to Danier as they have really nice v-necked chenille mixed sweaters on sale for $45.00. They will look great on you and will wash up really nicely.” Guess what I did. I went to the mall and walked directly into Danier. I tried on the sweater and bought it and was back in my car in under 15 minutes.
Christmas exacerbates the whole shopping phobia thing. Thank GOD for the online shopping or I would lose a nut. Last night I HAD to go to a mall because my husband’s company Christmas party is this Friday and I had nothing to wear. I don’t mean this in a sort of “oh everything in my closet is tired and worn” sort of way but in a, “I’m a size 4 and all of my clothes are a 9 or 10 sort of way”. I was totally pissed. I tried on dress after dress hoping something, anything would fit so I wouldn’t have to go to the dreaded mall of death. Alas, no.
So I girded my loins (who really does this nowadays – sumo wrestlers?) and headed to Sherway Gardens. I was on a mission and there was to be no dilly dallying. I had to get a Christmas dress for my daughter and one for myself and I wanted to hit two stores and two stores only. No browsing (again I hate to browse) just in and out like a finely tuned rescue mission. I first hit the baby gap and instantly found Chloe a dress. Black velvet, empire waisted with a grosgrain bow at the front and a taffeta skirt. Please don’t start on me with the whole, little girls shouldn’t black shenanigans because my daughter has reddish hair so pink or red looks crappy on her. The black will be great. Found the right size, checked out and it took less then ten minutes. Rock on.
I next hit Laura Petite’s because I am not the tallest girl in the world. Okay I’m 5’4” in the morning and 5’3” by the evening. Sue me. The saleslady copped on to the fact that I was focused and determined to get “the” dress. I grabbed about 4 dresses in my size and went to the fitting room. Why why why do fitting room lights always make you look like shit? If I ever had a store I would get all Barbara Walters with the lighting to make everyone look fantastic. I put on the first dress and zipped it up and walked out to get the saleslady’s opinion because I am a fashion retard. She said it looked great and I sort of thought so too. Okay DONE! She was shocked – “don’t you want to try on the others?” Nope, like this, looks good, I can go home – done deal. In hindsight I also bought the first wedding dress I tried on. I’m highly decisive. Need a decision? Give me a call.
I checked my watch and was pleased. Both dresses bought in under 23 minutes. Woo. I know I should have stayed and done some Christmas shopping but I HAD to leave. This is an interesting phenomenon. I’ve heard of Agoraphobe’s who won’t leave their houses but I’ve increasingly become a Mallophobe who hates malls and stores. It’s funny because I go to tons of other places with lots of people and have no problems but ask me to shop and I freeze up. Most of my grocery shopping is now done through grocery gateway now as I hate going to the supermarket. As I mentioned earlier, 90% of my Christmas shopping will be done online. This is all rather alarming.
As George Bush would say, “thank you for the internets.”
3 comments:
I believe part of your phobia also stems from the fact that you have very little time in your life to actually shop. So the thought of using your precious "free time" to do something like shop only makes the phobia worse.
You are so wise Obi Wan. I totally agree.
I LOVE to shop! if you were rich I would shop for you all day! I would even take the kids!! I must really love to shop! With your money of course..... LOL
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