This entry is brought to you by Chloe because her mother is too tired to write.
Hi All! Well it’s Friday morning and I woke up at a time that felt just fine to me. 4:45 am – whatever THAT means. I woke up and I really love to do my dinosaur roar immediately. I sit up and scream RAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWRRRR. AHHHHH. RAAAAAAAAAWWWWRRR!! I find the louder I do it the faster a big person comes into my room. It’s great! This morning the smaller of the big people came in and sat down beside me and entreated me to quiet down and lie down. Um. No. I don’t think so lady. So I started with my best communication skills and started shouting, “Up, up, Me, Me!” “Out Me Me!” and I threw in another Rawwwwr for good measure.
As the lady person knows I need to be carried down to the kitchen and my feet shall not be allowed to touch the ground until my Baba is prepared. She may try to put me down but I simply won’t tolerate that. Once my milk has been sufficiently heated whilst I sit on her hip I then shall be taken to the family room where I lie on the couch and drink my bottle. Then I shall deign to let the lady person change my diaper. I don’t really like to talk about this but I will allow her to hold my ankles in one hand while she lifts up my butt to get the deed done. I like this done quickly with the least amount of fuss possible.
Then a Baby Einstein episode shall be played for my amusement. I don’t know why on god’s green earth the big person likes to lie on the couch at this moment but when this occurs I try to bother her as much as possible. I demand to be let out of my bouncy chair and walk around. I will wander from this toy to that and for good measure go to the lady person and either scream, “UP! Up!” in her ear or on a really good day I might take a fist and slam it down on her head. One time I even got her on the nose. That was super. I recognize that the wallop generally does not please her so I immediately flash her a smile and throw her a kiss to make up for the hitting. Baby loves you Mama!
Sometimes I decide that this whole video nonsense is not what I require and I go to the bottom of the stairs and start screaming, “ Num Nums Me Me!” Really it must be 5:15 by now and I shall not be denied breakfast. This morning the Mommy person was not in too much of a rush to bring me upstairs. Clearly I had to escalate things immediately. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted my new Dora doll. For some reason even though I go totally batshit over the Dora show I simply cannot abide by that doll and take severe umbrage with her large headedness. In a blink of an eye I turn into George St. Pierre and grab Dora’s ankle in UFC Smackdown fashion. With the skill of a lumberjack I throw her down so her head whams the floor. All the time Dora is perkily yelling inane things at me like, “It’s Fun To Be A Big Sister!” or “LET’S FEED THE BABIES!” Take this Dora – and I stomp on her with all of my might. Dora is now singing something at me in Spanish and that really pisses me off. “Ciao Dora” as I fling her headfirst against the wall. Whew that felt good.
The big people are putting me to bed later at night in hopes to get me to sleep until at least 6:00 am but my goodness that is just wasting the best part of the day. Wait a sec – Dora has just started to count aloud in Spanish! Hold on while I take care of her – Knuckle up Dora, you’re in for a beating!
Hi All! Well it’s Friday morning and I woke up at a time that felt just fine to me. 4:45 am – whatever THAT means. I woke up and I really love to do my dinosaur roar immediately. I sit up and scream RAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWRRRR. AHHHHH. RAAAAAAAAAWWWWRRR!! I find the louder I do it the faster a big person comes into my room. It’s great! This morning the smaller of the big people came in and sat down beside me and entreated me to quiet down and lie down. Um. No. I don’t think so lady. So I started with my best communication skills and started shouting, “Up, up, Me, Me!” “Out Me Me!” and I threw in another Rawwwwr for good measure.
As the lady person knows I need to be carried down to the kitchen and my feet shall not be allowed to touch the ground until my Baba is prepared. She may try to put me down but I simply won’t tolerate that. Once my milk has been sufficiently heated whilst I sit on her hip I then shall be taken to the family room where I lie on the couch and drink my bottle. Then I shall deign to let the lady person change my diaper. I don’t really like to talk about this but I will allow her to hold my ankles in one hand while she lifts up my butt to get the deed done. I like this done quickly with the least amount of fuss possible.
Then a Baby Einstein episode shall be played for my amusement. I don’t know why on god’s green earth the big person likes to lie on the couch at this moment but when this occurs I try to bother her as much as possible. I demand to be let out of my bouncy chair and walk around. I will wander from this toy to that and for good measure go to the lady person and either scream, “UP! Up!” in her ear or on a really good day I might take a fist and slam it down on her head. One time I even got her on the nose. That was super. I recognize that the wallop generally does not please her so I immediately flash her a smile and throw her a kiss to make up for the hitting. Baby loves you Mama!
Sometimes I decide that this whole video nonsense is not what I require and I go to the bottom of the stairs and start screaming, “ Num Nums Me Me!” Really it must be 5:15 by now and I shall not be denied breakfast. This morning the Mommy person was not in too much of a rush to bring me upstairs. Clearly I had to escalate things immediately. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted my new Dora doll. For some reason even though I go totally batshit over the Dora show I simply cannot abide by that doll and take severe umbrage with her large headedness. In a blink of an eye I turn into George St. Pierre and grab Dora’s ankle in UFC Smackdown fashion. With the skill of a lumberjack I throw her down so her head whams the floor. All the time Dora is perkily yelling inane things at me like, “It’s Fun To Be A Big Sister!” or “LET’S FEED THE BABIES!” Take this Dora – and I stomp on her with all of my might. Dora is now singing something at me in Spanish and that really pisses me off. “Ciao Dora” as I fling her headfirst against the wall. Whew that felt good.
The big people are putting me to bed later at night in hopes to get me to sleep until at least 6:00 am but my goodness that is just wasting the best part of the day. Wait a sec – Dora has just started to count aloud in Spanish! Hold on while I take care of her – Knuckle up Dora, you’re in for a beating!
1 comment:
oh my god...can't you drug her??!!
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