Dear People of Greece,
Thank you for your lovely feta cheese, Kalmata olives and for the humble Greek salad.
Dear People of France,
Thank you for your fresh baguettes, raw cheeses and Steak Frites. Please tell your pretty, pretty pastries to knock it off with the attitude as they come across as snotty little bitches. Desserts are not to be created ruler straight and thin with tiny designs. Also please take time to consider why the rest of the world tends to think that you are much like your pastries.
Dear People of Italy,
Thank you for hands down the best food on earth. With your Veal sandwiches, beautiful pastas, roasted meats and wee potatoes you are unquestionably the best. Wait. I’m not very fond of your desserts as they come off as very dry and tasteless. Then again I’m not a dessert person so nevermind! Buen Appetito!
Dear People of Switzerland,
Thank you for the best cheese fondue on the entire planet. My first fondue was in Lausanne Switzerland and you have ruined me for life because now nothing can compare.
Dear People of Germany,
Thank you for your schnitzel (the food that most sounds like a sneeze), Oktoberfest sausage (with the accompanying Oktoberfest mustard) and in fact for Oktoberfest itself. A holiday that is completely dedicated to wearing lederhosen and drinking beer sounds okay to me. Ein prosit.
P.S. WWII – Boo, Bad form!
Dear People of the Country that produces the most Goat Cheese in the world,
My love for you is steady and everlasting. I could eat goat cheese for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Please don’t tell this to Parmeggiano Reggiano as he comes in a close second and I don’t want him to get all jealous and angry like the passionate Italian he is.
Dear People of the Country that produces the most Eggplants in the world,
Eggplants suck. They are simply vegetable filler that takes on the flavour of food around it and has an unpleasant and spongy texture. Please don’t try to tell me I’ve never had it prepared properly because I’ve had it done every which way til Sunday and I still think it sucks. I think people buy Eggplants because they are lured in by their beautiful purpleness only to discover that Eggplant is a shallow mistress.
Dear Cankers in my Mouth,
Please, please go away so I can eat all of the lovely aforementioned foods. You last for weeks and make me lose weight. Yes you might be a good diet aid but I don’t want to diet. Shoo! Go away!
Dear People of the United States of America,
Please take note that you are not the only country competing in the Olympics. I know this might be hard to believe if you look at your media coverage but it is true. If I hear another U.S. athlete predict an American sweep of the medals I might just have to off myself.
Dear People Who Read This Blog,
Thank you for coming out and for your continued support. Now please break out into small groups and speak amongst yourselves.
Thank you for your lovely feta cheese, Kalmata olives and for the humble Greek salad.
Dear People of France,
Thank you for your fresh baguettes, raw cheeses and Steak Frites. Please tell your pretty, pretty pastries to knock it off with the attitude as they come across as snotty little bitches. Desserts are not to be created ruler straight and thin with tiny designs. Also please take time to consider why the rest of the world tends to think that you are much like your pastries.
Dear People of Italy,
Thank you for hands down the best food on earth. With your Veal sandwiches, beautiful pastas, roasted meats and wee potatoes you are unquestionably the best. Wait. I’m not very fond of your desserts as they come off as very dry and tasteless. Then again I’m not a dessert person so nevermind! Buen Appetito!
Dear People of Switzerland,
Thank you for the best cheese fondue on the entire planet. My first fondue was in Lausanne Switzerland and you have ruined me for life because now nothing can compare.
Dear People of Germany,
Thank you for your schnitzel (the food that most sounds like a sneeze), Oktoberfest sausage (with the accompanying Oktoberfest mustard) and in fact for Oktoberfest itself. A holiday that is completely dedicated to wearing lederhosen and drinking beer sounds okay to me. Ein prosit.
P.S. WWII – Boo, Bad form!
Dear People of the Country that produces the most Goat Cheese in the world,
My love for you is steady and everlasting. I could eat goat cheese for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Please don’t tell this to Parmeggiano Reggiano as he comes in a close second and I don’t want him to get all jealous and angry like the passionate Italian he is.
Dear People of the Country that produces the most Eggplants in the world,
Eggplants suck. They are simply vegetable filler that takes on the flavour of food around it and has an unpleasant and spongy texture. Please don’t try to tell me I’ve never had it prepared properly because I’ve had it done every which way til Sunday and I still think it sucks. I think people buy Eggplants because they are lured in by their beautiful purpleness only to discover that Eggplant is a shallow mistress.
Dear Cankers in my Mouth,
Please, please go away so I can eat all of the lovely aforementioned foods. You last for weeks and make me lose weight. Yes you might be a good diet aid but I don’t want to diet. Shoo! Go away!
Dear People of the United States of America,
Please take note that you are not the only country competing in the Olympics. I know this might be hard to believe if you look at your media coverage but it is true. If I hear another U.S. athlete predict an American sweep of the medals I might just have to off myself.
Dear People Who Read This Blog,
Thank you for coming out and for your continued support. Now please break out into small groups and speak amongst yourselves.
Carry on.
Update: Sweet Jesus I forgot to mention Pizza. How could I forget the most delicious ambrosia on earth? I could go on and on about about pizza. In fact I think pizza deserves it's own blog. Coming up next - PIZZA!
2 comments:
You are very strange.
Thanks Kimberly! Right back at ya.
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