Okay this entry might fall into the too much information category but what the hell. My husband loves me and his opinion is the only one that matters regarding this.
Let’s talk about skin. Since I was a child I have had mild scalp psoriasis. Basically your skin cells turn over at a certain rate but some people, like me, have excelerated skin turnover. Maybe my skin cells are extra smart? Anyhoo – it was very manageable in that I would use special shampoos and it wasn’t a big deal. Funnily it only occurred with the change of the seasons and then would go away. It’s genetic and not contagious and basically looks like dry skin. Being blonde it never really showed and it never really bothered me.
So this brings us to what happened this December. I contracted strep-throat from my darling daughter. This was the absolute worst sore throat I have ever had in my life. Swallowing anything almost made me cry. (wussy wussy, I know). So about a week later I came out with guttate psoriasis. If you would like to freak yourself out go look it up on the internet – I’ll wait. So, Strep infections are a common cause of guttate psoriasis which is basically thousands of red dots on your trunk, arms and legs. Sexy! Smokin! It is itchy as hell and really psychologically wearing and sorta throws your self esteem in the toilet.
So I had to suffer with it for a while because due to our health care system it takes a million years to see a dermatologist. I was quite shocked when I met my dermatologist because to put it mildly he must have seen a plastic surgeon friend of his. He was “brightened up” in the sense that his skin was pulled so tightly the corners of his mouth turned up with a perma smile. He also had an eye or brow lift of some sort because he looked permanently surprised. So, he told me there was two options. One, I would have to use strong topical steroids that would seriously mess up my skin or two, I could have light therapy which can involve some photo-aging risks but much less than steroids. Great. Sign me up.
So I now go to a certain downtown hospital three times a week for light therapy. Of course I had to meet with a dermatologist there who checked me out in my birthday suit to see exactly what type of therapy I needed. Then I met a nurse who explained the whole rigamaroll to me. She told me that the only side effect would be some tanning of the skin. Bastards! Giving me a free tan right at the beginning of the summer!
So I had my first session which was sort of shocking. Let me explain. Once you are called to the special room you get naked. Yes, buck friggin naked. Then a nurse comes in and looks you over to see exactly what wave of UVB light you need. Did I say naked? Because yes, you have to be naked. In front of a stranger. THREE times a week. And these strangers change. So like, a whole ton of people see you naked. All the time. Just like those old topless German ladies on vacation. I told Alan I might as well just post a picture on the internet and be done with it.
Okay enough with the nakedness. (For now!) So then you go stand in a booth that has what looks like a hundred fluorescent lights, (still while you are NAKED) and you put on these glasses that look exactly like cataract sunglasses that senior citizens wear. You take a hold of handles above your head and then the nurse turns on the machine for 24 seconds. YES. Twenty four friggin seconds for all of this hullabaloo. Then you get to put your clothes on. Hallelujah! So this goes on and on three times a week and the time gets longer with each session. I am now up to one minute and twenty five seconds. And here is the thing. Um certain bits of your body that have never been exposed to sunlight are now sorta getting burnt. Not to be indelicate but my boobs and ass are now sunburnt. That’s just so wrong.
So the upside is that my skin is looking a thousand times better and in a couple of weeks any trace of those dots will be gone. The rest of me now has a nice tan which is a nice side effect for the beginning of the summer. But really, back to the nakedness. I thought that after having two children I would be over the whole being naked in front of medical professionals. Apparently not. I mean how should one stand totally naked in front of a stranger? Hands on hips? Arms akimbo in the air? Hands coyly covering something? I have no clue. Why does shit like this happen to me all the time? My husband can only shake his head. Sorry baby, you married a weird one.
No comments:
Post a Comment