Hey! Get this. Two blogs today, yes two for the price of one! My husband Thomas wrote something up for fun so I am throwing it in.
Over the years I have done my share of airline travel and I thought I would share some observations.
Going through Security
It couldn't be more clear to "remove all metal from your pockets" if you didn't know this before, in a post-9/11 world you really should. I always vow never to be the idiot that slows the line down and completely strip myself of any conductors and yet it happens...BEEP and yes Hilda, coins are metal. Another thought is I'm not sure how comfortable I am with the person watching the screen as your carry-on bag goes through the x-ray. What if they are having a bad day? What if they are pissed about not getting the promotion and let the black object with the wires around it slip on through? I think I'd rather leave this up to technology than to two ladies talking about their grandkids as they occasionally glance at the screen.
In the Terminal
I always like the guy who must take a conference call in the airport, you know the one pacing back and forth on the hand free set almost shouting into the microphone as to draw attention to himself ,"see how important I am?" Or how about the people who refuse to move out of the way for the golf cart shuttling some elderly person to their gate? The combination of the beeping horn and flashing light should be obvious to most people unless you are sadly both deaf and blind.
At the Gate
For some reason people seem to think that the poor attendant at the desk actually has any power. I've heard travelers rant about service with exclamations like "what are YOU going to do about this? or "This is unacceptable" or the person with an overinflated sense of importance "I have a critical meeting that I can't miss...do you know what will happen if I am not there?" My sense is that hey buddy, if you were really that important you'd be laid back in a private Gulfstream shipping champagne. I often feel sorry for the attendants is those situations, I look into their eyes and can imagine what they are thinking "I can't believe I have to take this S*#@ for $12 an hour" or "If I had gun right now I would shoot this person in the face" or even worse,"I should have become an accountant".
Preparing for Takeoff
Sometimes there are delays or cancellations due to mechanical issues, my opinion is that I'd rather they fix the problem and be late, than encounter a worse fate. I'm glad the pilots do their due diligence before departure. Can you imagine if the pilot said "The hydraulic pressure warning light is on. But you know, I'm feeling kinda lucky today, LETS GO FOR IT!"
For some reason, simple instructions are lost on some travelers. You know when they announce preparation for takeoff that your seat should be in the upright position and your trays secured. And yet when the attendants go through the cabin they have to tell at least 5 people to pull their seat forward and lift the tray. "Oh were those instructions for me?"
Over the years I have done my share of airline travel and I thought I would share some observations.
Going through Security
It couldn't be more clear to "remove all metal from your pockets" if you didn't know this before, in a post-9/11 world you really should. I always vow never to be the idiot that slows the line down and completely strip myself of any conductors and yet it happens...BEEP and yes Hilda, coins are metal. Another thought is I'm not sure how comfortable I am with the person watching the screen as your carry-on bag goes through the x-ray. What if they are having a bad day? What if they are pissed about not getting the promotion and let the black object with the wires around it slip on through? I think I'd rather leave this up to technology than to two ladies talking about their grandkids as they occasionally glance at the screen.
In the Terminal
I always like the guy who must take a conference call in the airport, you know the one pacing back and forth on the hand free set almost shouting into the microphone as to draw attention to himself ,"see how important I am?" Or how about the people who refuse to move out of the way for the golf cart shuttling some elderly person to their gate? The combination of the beeping horn and flashing light should be obvious to most people unless you are sadly both deaf and blind.
At the Gate
For some reason people seem to think that the poor attendant at the desk actually has any power. I've heard travelers rant about service with exclamations like "what are YOU going to do about this? or "This is unacceptable" or the person with an overinflated sense of importance "I have a critical meeting that I can't miss...do you know what will happen if I am not there?" My sense is that hey buddy, if you were really that important you'd be laid back in a private Gulfstream shipping champagne. I often feel sorry for the attendants is those situations, I look into their eyes and can imagine what they are thinking "I can't believe I have to take this S*#@ for $12 an hour" or "If I had gun right now I would shoot this person in the face" or even worse,"I should have become an accountant".
Preparing for Takeoff
Sometimes there are delays or cancellations due to mechanical issues, my opinion is that I'd rather they fix the problem and be late, than encounter a worse fate. I'm glad the pilots do their due diligence before departure. Can you imagine if the pilot said "The hydraulic pressure warning light is on. But you know, I'm feeling kinda lucky today, LETS GO FOR IT!"
For some reason, simple instructions are lost on some travelers. You know when they announce preparation for takeoff that your seat should be in the upright position and your trays secured. And yet when the attendants go through the cabin they have to tell at least 5 people to pull their seat forward and lift the tray. "Oh were those instructions for me?"
People also have interesting timing when it comes to bodily functions. We know we can't get underway until everyone is seated and yet there are always two people who must use the lavatory at the last minute. Here is a traveling tip. When you are sitting for an hour at the gate and you might have the "feeling" then please go pee.
I also find it funny when they seat someone in the emergency exit row who weighs less than the door itself. Listen, put me in the row (for one I want the extra leg room) because if there is a crash you can be damn sure I am going to get that door open and throw it 30 feet from the plane (yes adrenaline is a powerful thing).
What I also find amusing are the safety instructions. They should really stop demonstrating the seat belt. I mean really, if you can't figure that out you should really stay at home. As for the oxygen masks they say "Place the mask over you face, pull the strings to tighten and breath normally...". If the mask falls in front of me I'll either go into cardiac arrest or breathe so hard I will actually suck the bag into my lungs. Lets face it folks, when those masks fall down someone has forgotten to lock the door, or the plane has popped a sunroof. Either way at 30,000 feet you are absolutely screwed. The only thing the mask is going to do is give you the 40 seconds of air to say your prayers and good-byes before you smash into a million pieces (so there is a dark thought). It’s also funny when they say that "your seat cushion could be used as a floatation device in the event of a water landing". Again, you are going to need more than a cushion to save you if you crash in water. I like travel in general and am not afraid to fly but every time I do I think for a minute, "Is this the flight that is going to make the news? Will I survive to tell my story to Oprah?" Then I realize that I'm in a situation where I have absolutely no control, there is nothing I can do to change events.
Something else that bothers me are the people who must use their electronic devices when they are not supposed to. I don't know the real effect these frequencies have on navigation and such but I don't want anything screwing with the pilot's ability to fly or the control tower communications. I'd love to see people thrown off the plane for not turning off their Blackberries.
Arrival
After a smooth landing (thank God) you might hear the attendant say "we have a few passengers at the back of the plane with very tight connecting flights, please remain seated as to allow them to deplane first." And wouldn't you know it, when the plane is at the gate and the seatbelt sign turns off, half the idiots get up and start reaching for their luggage. I guess upon arrival, Darwin's law kicks in and it's survival of the fittest, "Every man for himself. I don't care about the little guy". I've often been tempted to stand up and say, "Listen, if you are not in 23A and 24D,,,SIT DOWN!!!
Airports can be a stressful place but they really don't need to be. Get there on time, follow instructions and if there are delays, take a deep breathe and relax.
For those of you with travel in your future, good luck and have a safe trip.
P.S From Stephanie. What is all this business about deplaning? Do we detrain? Do we decar? I think not.
I also find it funny when they seat someone in the emergency exit row who weighs less than the door itself. Listen, put me in the row (for one I want the extra leg room) because if there is a crash you can be damn sure I am going to get that door open and throw it 30 feet from the plane (yes adrenaline is a powerful thing).
What I also find amusing are the safety instructions. They should really stop demonstrating the seat belt. I mean really, if you can't figure that out you should really stay at home. As for the oxygen masks they say "Place the mask over you face, pull the strings to tighten and breath normally...". If the mask falls in front of me I'll either go into cardiac arrest or breathe so hard I will actually suck the bag into my lungs. Lets face it folks, when those masks fall down someone has forgotten to lock the door, or the plane has popped a sunroof. Either way at 30,000 feet you are absolutely screwed. The only thing the mask is going to do is give you the 40 seconds of air to say your prayers and good-byes before you smash into a million pieces (so there is a dark thought). It’s also funny when they say that "your seat cushion could be used as a floatation device in the event of a water landing". Again, you are going to need more than a cushion to save you if you crash in water. I like travel in general and am not afraid to fly but every time I do I think for a minute, "Is this the flight that is going to make the news? Will I survive to tell my story to Oprah?" Then I realize that I'm in a situation where I have absolutely no control, there is nothing I can do to change events.
Something else that bothers me are the people who must use their electronic devices when they are not supposed to. I don't know the real effect these frequencies have on navigation and such but I don't want anything screwing with the pilot's ability to fly or the control tower communications. I'd love to see people thrown off the plane for not turning off their Blackberries.
Arrival
After a smooth landing (thank God) you might hear the attendant say "we have a few passengers at the back of the plane with very tight connecting flights, please remain seated as to allow them to deplane first." And wouldn't you know it, when the plane is at the gate and the seatbelt sign turns off, half the idiots get up and start reaching for their luggage. I guess upon arrival, Darwin's law kicks in and it's survival of the fittest, "Every man for himself. I don't care about the little guy". I've often been tempted to stand up and say, "Listen, if you are not in 23A and 24D,,,SIT DOWN!!!
Airports can be a stressful place but they really don't need to be. Get there on time, follow instructions and if there are delays, take a deep breathe and relax.
For those of you with travel in your future, good luck and have a safe trip.
P.S From Stephanie. What is all this business about deplaning? Do we detrain? Do we decar? I think not.
1 comment:
For the record the airlines do a fairly good job of being idiots as well. I print my boarding pass at home...do the computerized check in...for what I ask...the line I stand in to check my bag is at least as long as the line for people just checking in now and getting their boarding passes and moves at approx the same pace. Also if they are going to ask you to remove your shoes for the ever present threat of shoe bombs then at least provide a frigging chair cause as we get old this gets much harder. They also need to take more responsibility to ensure that people are not bringing more carry on luggage than they are allowed. I am sick of people who try to avoid checking baggage or want to bring more than they are alloted so they just bring extra on the plane. This ends up with all the overhead bins being full (because god forbid these people actual cause any discomfort to themselves and store their extra bags by their feet) and me having to put my quite appropriate carry on by my feet. And for the love of god must they squeeze us into these rows of seats...seriously...on my last flight (Air Canada) when the person in front of me put their chair back it was right in my face. While the staff surely have to put up with loads of crap...never fear...not only do they make far more than $12/hr (because let's face it one of the reasons flying is so expensive and airlines keep going under is not only do to gas prices, but also the high cost of salaries due to unions) but they also are more than happy to be ignorant sods themselves. Okay...I feel better now...until I have to fly again anyway...
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