Game On!

I said that I would speak about something lighter today didn’t I? Something fun, something interesting. Lets’ try this one on for size. Chloe was up at the crack of sparrowfart this morning which loosely translates to, oh let’s say, 4:15 a.m.!! If this had been our first born we would have let a little more crying out occur by now. If she is allowed to rage then she will wake Henry and then it will be ballgame over. I’m really at a loss with this one as we are putting her to bed an hour later and she still rises ridiculously early. We’ve tried giving her a bottle of warm milk right before we put her down in case she is waking hungry but that’s not working.

This morning I climbed into her bed with her and gave her a bottle. I took the bottle away when she was done and tried to lie with her to entice her back to sleep. Apparently she hasn’t read any baby manuals because although she lay quietly beside me she thought it would be jolly good sport to try to stick her finger in every orifice of my head. When I rolled with my back to her she started wrapping fistfuls of hair around her fingers. Bah. I then tried to slide out to my own bedroom.

I then realized that my pillow is indeed not in my bed but back in Henry’s room where I started a snuggle with him at 2:30 am due to a bad dream about Sesame Street. I’m sorry but it is incredibly wussy to be having nightmares about The Count! (ONE Snowflake, Ha Ha, Ha!, TWO Snowflakes, HA, HA, HA!) Instead of going back to Henry’s room I slid in beside Thomas who kindly gave me a corner of his pillow served up with a deep sigh of frustration. After a relaxing three minutes of piece, someone unleashed the Tasmanian devil in my daughter’s room and we could hear her staggering around in her room calling for us. Damn she can really crank the volume now!

Thomas then mutters a not terribly Christian expletive so I got out of bed and brought her downstairs. At 5:10. Okay I am appealing to any parents as to what they would do in this situation? This madness MUST stop. I don’t like to go to bed the second after my children fall asleep but in order too function I’ve been off to bed at 8:15 pm some evenings. I’m a wild woman I tell you, WILD.

It’s almost six so I must wake the man to watch Chloe so I may shower. The grocery deliveryman arrives at 7:00 and I’m sure he doesn’t want to catch me with giant Velcro rollers in my head. Then again, why not, it might give him a chuckle. I could ask him to “take me to his leader.” What passes for funny at this god-awful hour is really quite sad.

Any suggestions would be most appreciated. Carry on with your normal adult lives.